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Poster: just_me_528 (see this users gallery) I joined this 40 day challenge figuring it would be fun and pretty much a bunch of fluff. What I did not expect was to be challenged in any way. I admit to being wrong. The last 35 days have not only challenged my scrapping but also my life. It has made me look at myself and my life on a level so deep that it threw me into a crisis. I found that I couldnt deal with all the feelings and thoughts that were attacking me from every direction. Finally with no more strength left in me I fell into a deep depression. People could tell by my lay outs that I was in bad shape. What they didnt know was exactly how bad I had become. Climbing out of bed each day took most of my strength and if it weren't for my husband I wouldnt have gotten up at all. Thoughts of suicide were once again playing in my mind. A black cloud of hopelessness covered any light that might have been shining in my life. All the tears I cried could not wash away the pain. All of this because of a "simple, little" challenge. The challenge came to a stop after day 35 when Royanna found out she had cancer. Not long after that a call came out asking people if they would make a lay out for Royanna as a way to give her strength and hope. It would also show her how much she means to everyone and how much she has impacted our lives. I am probably the only person who did not make a lay out for her. I could not claw my way out of the darkness I was living in. I could not come out of the hell I was in long enough to show a person some kindness when she needed it most. And Now??? Now my world is full of sunshine with just a few clouds blowing through once in awhile. I have started counseling. I have decided to be a stronger person and follow my own path in life. It no longer matters if people understand or agree with my philosophy of life. It is, after all, MY life to live. And I must allow my own heart to lead me on this journey. I am studying Taoism and have not had anything touch my soul like this has in a very long time. Meditation and New Age music are now a part of my life again. I am taking better care of myself. I am trying to eat healthier, drink more water and get some exercise. I am working on being more patient and to see the good in my life. Tomorrow I will take my first step on a new journey. A journey to make a dream come true. I haven't had any dreams in a long time. I managed to kill them all off with my negativity and self hatred. It wont matter what the weather outside my window is tomorrow, in my world, the sun will be shining brightly on a new life that began with a dream and one small step. I am a person who has much to thank Royanna for. "I thank you Royanna for challenging me. Thank you for showing me to look deeper into my life. Thank you for taking the time out of your life to help a total stranger find her life. I thank you for the inner peace that will one day be mine. I thank you for being there and showing me how to have hopes and dreams. Thank you, Royanna, for helping me get back the life I had lost!" Tami L. Davis
· Date: Mon June 19, 2006 ·
Additional Info
Keywords: Life with Royanna
Kit Information (Designer & Kit Names Only): Summer Serenity by Cottage Arts @ CA
Fonts Used: arial narrow & dear teacher
Any Additional Info or Credits: Used a Creddy for extra
Software Used: PSP 9
UBBCode:
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DanaConditt

Designer & Moderator

Registered: December 2005
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 6759

Mon June 19, 2006 10:52am

Wow Tami, your journaling is really amazing. You have a great way of showing people your thoughts and feelings. Thanks for sharing this with us.

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Dana - Wife, Mom, & More

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DebAmmerman

Site Owner - Designer

Registered: November 2005
Location: Niles, MI
Posts: 9821

Thu June 29, 2006 2:48pm

I found your journaling so touching and real to life. You are an amazing writer, you have a true gift! I am so happy that you have joined us here and are sharing your gift with us through your layouts! We are truly blessed! Thank you so much for sharing.

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britt_05

Loves Deco-Pages

Registered: April 2006
Posts: 504

Tue July 4, 2006 5:38am

what awonderful lo. and the words realy nice and touching. hope your still feeling great and full of life. sometimes it is awesome to take the time to stop and smell the roses, and to also give a lot of though and thanks to the wonderful god almighty jehovah. he can make a differences.

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thanks a bunch HELEN

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cmmama10

Deco-Pages Member

Registered: September 2006
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 80

Thu September 14, 2006 11:17am

OH Tami, can I relate!! There are no accidents with the people that come into and out of our lives for one reason or another. This is a perfect example of your heart. It is good and pure, but a bit battered on the edges. A lot like mine!! So glad teens is what had brought us into each others lives!!
~Krissy

P.S. I LOVE the teddy!! So cute!!

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